As the doors to the hardware warehouse opened at seven in the morning I stood there waiting. In board shorts and a t shirt that smelled and with a taste in my mouth like I’d been sucking on a dead mouse I walked through the electric doors, just beating the staff who eagerly wanted to go in the opposite direction to clutter the doorway with their sale stock. “No shoes?” Said the woman who had opened the doors. Still half asleep I grunted something about leaving my thongs in the car. But there was no time for niceties, I was on a mission.
We had finally put the kids to bed when the sound of rushing water first started. “Anthony, Anthony!” I ran to the bathroom just in time to see a torrent of water escape as my wife opened the vanity doors. Bottles of Shower Power, Baby Powder and Shaving equipment, (both male and female) spilled out onto the tiled floor. While I stood, open jawed, with the warm water running over my feet, my wife luckily had the presence of mind to run into the front yard and turn off the water main. For the next half an hour I lay on the toilet floor with a monkey wrench in hand swearing and cussing, trying desperately to fit my big hands inside the worlds smallest vanity unit. Eventually I had a three year old tantrum and walked off to find a smaller spanner. “Can’t you take the drawer out.” Said Kate. By the time I had arrived back without a smaller spanner Kate had undone the failed pipe. We had no water; no toilet, no coffee, no shower, no toothbrush until the next day.
When I returned from the Hardware store, new pipe in hand, I was greeted by my three beautiful girls waving at me through the front window. I lay back down on the still wet toilet floor and within minutes we once again had a functioning bathroom. As I took a well earned shower I couldn’t help but think, “How much easier than calling a plumber was that?”